the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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