I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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