part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
