I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
