the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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