Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
