happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
