i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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