he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
