Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have fence marks all over my body
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
