walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Two words: blizzard sex
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
