There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
