yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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