Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
