I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
