Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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