Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
