I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
