In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
