what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
