Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
