Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
