I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
