Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
