She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
