Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
