I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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