I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize