He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
