he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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