and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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