I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
