This girl is more easily done than said...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
