I'm gonna have a badass scar
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
