if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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