I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
