I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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