so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
