apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
