it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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