A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
