I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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