Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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