glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
