I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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