And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
