So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
