Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
