I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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