New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
