If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
