I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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