Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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