I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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