he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
