I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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