getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
