Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
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