you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
