Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
He felt like a one man threesome
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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