If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
