Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
