so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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