also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
