I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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