i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize